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Ernie (Ernest) drove the fastest tooth cart in the West. His job was to collect teeth from the Tooth Fairies and deliver them to the Tower, via the portal located in the Unreal Estate. His job, and indeed his life, lasted up until Jonathan Teatime decided he was no further use.

Ernie was also an excuse for Pterry to return to his theme (previously mentioned when describing the demon Urglefloggah in Eric) that calling something "a nightmare" is lazy and unrealistic since most nightmares are silly and don't sound horrific when described to another. Hence this exchange: Ernie: Who are you? Teatime: I'm glad you asked. I'm your worst nightmare. Ernie: Aww no! Not the one with the giant cabbage and the whirring knife thing! Teatime: Eh?

Annotation

The original Ernie was the creation of comedian Benny Hill, who based both a sketch and a hit song around the concept of the man who drove "the fastest milk cart in the west". As the Tooth Fairies deal with children's milk teeth...

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