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Of the odd collection of volunteers who turn out for Sgt. Jackrum's recruiting party for Borogravia's Tenth Foot, the least likely is a Reform Vampire who spends several minutes filling in all his names, but the only one we hear is Maladict. He arrives typically elegantly dressed, with his own sword, looking like a gentleman officer-candidate, and Vampires are notoriously good at getting people to do what they want, so it's not surprising that he's the first promoted when the squad needs a lance-corporal. He has been a member of the Überwald League of Temperance and a Black Ribboner for two years and relies on transferring his obsession from blood to coffee. He carries the sack of beans and the little pot like a portable shrine, but soon after he joins the squad they are stolen.

Deprived of this crutch, he begins to have flashbacks from a war that never was, fought with weapons he's never seen in a jungle area against an enemy called "Charlie". The hallucinations are so powerful that others around him can hear and feel them too. Igors have more experience in the area and call them "flashsides" - other peoples' hallucinations. They also pack a bag and prepare to limp for it when they see them; they're a BAD sign. Fortunately, the gods(1) are watching and Buggy Swires drops half a pound of Klatch's best on him (literally,) just in time.

After the surprises common through the book, Maladicta remains in the army. It might be amusing for a few hundred years. Army life's not so bad when most weapons used by the enemy will have no effect, and you can't be (permanently) killed.

(1) Actually just Sam Vimes, god of getting what you deserve, sometimes.