Discworld & Terry Pratchett Wiki - User contributions [en]

Auditors of Reality

2018-07-28T11:12:38Z

MarcusSLazarus:

{{Character Data
|title= The Auditors of Reality
|photo=Blank.jpg|
|name= Legion
|age= as old as Time
|race= sui generis
|occupation= maintenance
|appearance= like empty gray cloaks
|residence=everywhere
|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=

|books= {{RM}}, {{H}}, {{TOT}}, {{SOD3}}
|cameos=
}}
The '''Auditors of Reality''' are the eternal watchers of time and space. Appearing as empty gray cloaks, they have no sense of humanity and all that it entails, whether it be humor or even a sense of singularity, which they particularly despise. Auditors think that to live is to die, and to be a specific person is to live, so an Auditor finds itself imploding if it so much as talks about itself in the first person. Auditors always speak of the "we". Auditors always work in groups of at least three, so that each one can be watched by at least two others. Supposedly all Auditors are of the same opinions about everything, but they still need to watch each other because, frankly, the temptation to live is too great.

They have also had their fair share of run-ins with the [[Death]] of the [[Discworld (world)|Discworld]]. Auditors tend to be very unpopular with all [[anthropomorphic personification]]s and other supernatural entities for breaking the world to make things ''the way they ought to be''. Auditors think that everything should obey basic physics (i.e. it should not be affected by imagination, perceptions, or thoughts, which sentient beings possess in amounts that seem to the Auditors to be unacceptable). Auditors also think that things should be regular (i.e. all cobblestones should be exactly same size and shape), and all spoken words ought to be literal and there ought not be metaphors. Auditors have tried at various times to get Death replaced by someone with less heart, get people to stop believing in a [[Hogfather|winter]] [[the gods|god]], and make time stop so that the Auditors can finally catch up with all the paperwork. They also, once they became aware of its existence, objected to certain aspects of [[Roundworld]] history, and sought to destroy it.

=== Ancient non-life form ===

The Auditors are both repelled by life (and humans in particular) and drawn to it. This leads them to interfere in Discworld, and to do this they are willing to break the Rules.

In {{RM}} it says they cannot be described in ordinary language. “Some people would call them cherubs.” Death calls them servants, watchers. Like him, they are able to appear before [[Azrael]]. In {{H}}, Death says of them, “They run the universe. They see to it that gravity works and that atoms spin (or whatever it is atoms do).”

In {{TOT}} it says things need to be observed in order to exist. In that case, as the most fundamental of observers, nothing would exist without them. Clearly they are part of the cosmic order, and if it were imaginable that any power could diminish them in their own realm, it would be up to the combined forces of Discworld to rally round. This does not stop them from making a nuisance of themselves.

The Auditors hate life, because it is untidy. By their nature, the Auditors take the view that for a thing to exist it has to have a position in time and space. But all the things that distinguish human beings, such as imagination, pity, hope, history and belief, don’t do time and space. Humanity, by belief, allows things to become that don’t exist. Death said that matter has a fear and hatred of life, and the Auditors are the bearers of that hatred. Periodically they try to tidy things up.

Gravity and atoms are basically important, but the Auditors are rubbish in the human dimension. An intelligence a billion years old, which has seen galaxies die, and sees atoms dance, which has hundreds of senses and thinks in 18 dimensions, which makes decisions by the concensus of millions, quickly falls to bits if clamped into the five senses of a human being, with demanding organs wired into its thinking system, looking out at the world from the darkness behind the eyes through the letterbox of “me”. Life is intoxicating, and if the auditors stray into organic territory, they come to grief.

Auditors' thinking processes are noted repeatedly to be very robotic. One way to stop them and cause them to implode is to write signs which issue logically impossible instructions; examples include a sign that says, in large letters 'IGNORE THIS ORDER', a sign saying 'TURN RIGHT' with an arrow pointing left, or a sign saying 'DO NOT FEED THE ELEPHANT' when there is no elephant for them not to feed.

=== Annotation ===
The Auditors appear to be a tribute to the "Grey Men" (Graue Männer) in Michael Ende's fantasy novel [[wikipedia:Momo (novel)|MOMO]], in which (as in Pratchett) the gray-clothed accountant-like characters closely monitor the actions of all characters and seek to make them as efficient as possible, with no regard for their actual well-being. Ende's gray men are likewise stumped by encounters that seem not to follow literal guidelines, and are ultimately flouted by beauty and a childlike love of narrative.

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[Category:Supernatural entities]]
[[Category:Serial characters]]
[[Category:Supporting characters]]
[[de:Revisoren der Realität]]

Stinky

2018-07-19T21:12:01Z

MarcusSLazarus:

{{Character Data
|photo=Blank.jpg|
|name=Stinky
|race=[[Goblin]]
|age= unknown
|occupation=Watchman, Clacks Operator, Petty Thief
|appearance= Small and slightly hobbled from a badly set broken leg
|residence=
|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=
|books=[[Snuff]]
|cameos=
}}

'''Stinky''' is one of the [[goblins]] in the City Watch novel {{SN}}. He is first seen on the property of Constable [[Feeney Upshot]] after the arrest of [[Sam Vimes]] in connection with the suspected murder of [[Jethro Jefferson]]. Stinky was the first to ask the venerable watchmen for "JUST-ICE!"

His name comes from his absolute stink. Sam Vimes noted that it wasn't so much a smell as a sensation of your dental enamel evaporating.

There are definite hints that there's more to Stinky than meets the eye; he knows things he couldn't possibly know, and alludes to being a protector of sorts for the goblin race in general. He shows extreme resilience to physical damage, surviving what should have been a fatal injury at the hands (well, feet) of the infamous [[Stratford]], by whom he was crushed underfoot and supposedly killed.

He is also at one point made a probationary special constable of the Shire Watch, and is the first goblin watchman on the Disc. In this capacity, he is also the only known goblin to accept a shortened name; most goblins consider their full names a sign of honour, with short names suggesting at a goblin who has been dishonoured in some manner, but Stinky accepts his shorter name as he recognizes that Constable Upshot needed something he could yell on short notice to request or warn Stinky of danger.

He also becomes an operator of the newly erected [[clacks]] tower: while he does not know how to read, he is quick to learn the letters by their shapes.

His ability to communicate with animals gives him the skills of a horse whisperer. When Sam Vimes — with reluctance bordering on fear — needed to mount a fast horse to chase after the murderer, Stinky calmed the horse and got it to kneel for Vimes to straddle it with ease.

{{stub}}
[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[de:Stinky]]

Dios

2018-06-14T22:47:32Z

MarcusSLazarus:

{{Character Data
|title= Dios
|photo= Dios.JPG|Dios, as drawn by [[User:Knmatt|Matt Smith]]
|name= Dios
|age=
|race= [[Humans|Human]]
|occupation= High Priest of Djel
|appearance= old, bald, imposing
|residence= [[Djelibeybi]]
|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=
|books= {{P}}
|cameos=
}}

Dios is the slightly insane High Priest of Djelibeybi who never ages. He lives in a Valley which he rules over with the same laws he began with, 7000 years previously. Kings come and go, but Dios remains, and interprets everything for them so that nothing changes. His agelessness is explained by his visits to the Necropolis (see {{P}}).

Perhaps the most unlikeable yet simultaneously tragic character in the entire Discworld canon, Dios advises the kings, and then overrules them if he sees fit. He explains this away as "interpreting" what they meant. He is held in such awe by the monarchy, the priesthood and the people that he is believed capable of ''anything''. His own motivation appears to be a complete devotion to constancy; change is death and therefore intolerable.

Thanks to his tampering with the space-time continuum by building a pyramid that flares off time, he creates a bubble wherein although people are born, age and die, and there was a yesterday and will be a tomorrow, the days are the same twenty-four hours, lived through again and again (a bit like ''Groundhog Day''), which is why nothing has changed for 7000 years and 1398 kings.

While he seemingly dies at the end of the book when he is caught in the implosion of a dimension-warping super-pyramid, he actually reappears at the beginning of the 7000 years again. With only his tattered robes and his staff (which features an {{wp|Ouroboros|Ouroboros}} emblem) it is his sorry fate to make all the same mistakes again--Possibly as some sort of punishment placed upon him by the temporally-empowered [[History Monks]]...

It is heavily implied in ''Pyramids'' that his mind has gone through the same routines for so long that it has, figuratively or literally, crystallized and rendered him incapable of accepting change; Teppic considered that Dios was truly mad with the rare kind of madness caused by being yourself for so long that habits of sanity etched themselves into the brain. One is reminded of a [[Mr Tiddles|similar case]] where a daily routine has been followed for so long, the character in question is incapable of accepting the slightest change.

==Annotation==

In Spanish, Dios means "''God''," being derived from the Latin "''deus''" and the Greek "''theos''."

[[category:Discworld characters|Dios]]
[[Category:Human characters|Dios]]
[[de:Dios]]

71-hour Ahmed

2018-06-02T01:49:08Z

MarcusSLazarus:

{{Character Data
|title= 71-hour Ahmed
|photo=Blank.jpg|
|name= Ahmed
|age=
|race= [[Humans|Human]]

|occupation= [[Watchman|Policeman]]
|appearance= Foreign, scarred, a grin of golden teeth, hook-nose

|residence= Desert, [[Klatch]]

|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=

|books= {{J}}
|cameos=
}}

'''71-hour Ahmed''' (called "72-hour Achmed" in [[The Art of Discworld]] and sometimes misspelled 71-hour Achmed) is the ''wali'' (closest analogy is head policeman) in [[Klatch]], of [[D'reg]] origin. He was trained as an [[Assassins' Guild|assassin]] in [[Ankh-Morpork]] where he was a member of [[Viper House]] and endeavors to be a little bit foreign wherever he goes, thus allowing him to perform his duties with less complication.

Custom and tradition play a vital role in Klatchian culture and it is said that even your worst enemy must be given hospitality for no less than three days in your home. When Ahmed was visited by a man who had murdered an entire town, he could not wait the full three days (which is seventy-two hours in total) to cut off his head, albeit for the justifiable reason that the other man would have certainly seized the opportunity to kill Ahmed once the time for hospitality to be shown had elapsed. This gross breach of etiquette has earned him his feared nickname.

His only appearance to date has been in {{J}}, where he accompanied [[Khufurah|Prince Khufurah]]. He and commander [[Samuel Vimes|Vimes]] get entangled in the political problems that follow the surfacing of the island [[Leshp]]. Both are trying to find the person who tried to kill the prince, and both suspect their own people. Ahmed, at first sight a typical stupid foreigner, turns out to be a natural copper who is very intelligent. He disappears in the desert to do his job by the end of the book.

It is interesting that following the example of the Klatchian equivalent of Vimes being sent to a foreign city on an ostensibly diplomatic mission (but deliberately stirring the muddied waters of the Ankh to see what emerges), [[Samuel Vimes]] himself is then sent outside Ankh on not one but ''two'' ostensibly diplomatic missions... with the full expectation that he will purposefully blunder about, giving the impression of being a typically stupid foreigner unaware of local customs and practices. Perhaps Vetinari decided to try the same trick, in circumstances advantageous to him, and see what happened?

[[Category:Discworld characters|Ahmed, 71-hour]]
[[Category:Supporting characters|Ahmed, 71-hour]]
[[Category:Human characters]]
[[de:71-Stunden-Ahmed]]

Cohen the Barbarian

2018-06-02T01:47:54Z

MarcusSLazarus:

{{Character Data
|title= The Barbarian
|Cohen the Barbarian Illustrated by [[User:puggdogg|Michael Collins]] a.k.a. puggdogg
|photo= Cohen The Barbarian.jpg|
|name= Cohen the Barbarian
|age= 90 something
|race= [[:Category:Human characters|Human]]
|occupation= Barbarian
|appearance= Old, crab like
|residence= [[Discworld]]
|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children= [[Conina]]
|marital status=
|books= {{TLF}}<br/>{{IT}}<br/>{{TLH}}<br/>{{TB}}
|cameos= {{J}}
Mention in {{MP}} and {{S}}.
}}

Also known as '''''Ghenghiz Cohen''''', '''Cohen the Barbarian''' is the last and greatest of the [[barbarian heroes]]. He is over 90 years old (or 87 in ''The Light Fantastic'', in which he declares "If I wash twenty yearsh younger...I'd be shixty sheven"), which just goes to show how good Cohen is at not dying. Known to be leader of the [[Silver Horde]], a small group of similarly elderly barbarian heroes, many of whom have served with Cohen for numerous years. Like Cohen himself, the Silver Horde is ''very'' good at not dying in a line of work where insane risks and life-and-death gambles are relatively routine (note we say 'and' instead of 'or' - this is intentional, as *someone* tends to die in the instances).

In the book {{TLF}}, he commissioned a dwarf to make a set of special dentures made from the diamond teeth of Old Grandad, an ancient troll. It is speculated that he may be the only person on the Disc who can actually get away with this without drawing excessive retribution from trolls, mostly because he's sort of a force of nature. [[Rincewind]] describes the effect in the following way: "Once they've been around him for a while, people start seeing the world the way he does. All big and simple. And they want to be a part of it." Cohen's charisma is powerful enough for him to have attracted the [[Silver Horde]], despite the notoriously individualistic nature of barbarians.

He is of a wiry build and wears just his loincloth even in the snow.

The best things in life according to him are "hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper".

He has at least one known daughter (and is assumed to have many more children, most of whom he does not know). Her name is [[Conina]]. She is the daughter of a temple dancer.

It is generally difficult for others to consider Cohen a friend, given his volatile nature; when questioned by [[Havelock Vetinari]], Rincewind conceded that he could be considered Cohen's friend simply because he and Cohen had met a couple of times and Cohen hadn't killed him.

Cohen married [[Bethan]] who was a sacrificial virgin (at least back then she was) with a tanned perfect body, and a knowledge of chiropody - a perfect complement to Cohen's age-warped back. It is presumed they broke up at some point. According to Rincewind, Conina and Bethan are about the same age.

He wrote (or got somebody to write) the book ''[[Inne Juste 7 Dayes I wille make you a Barbearian Hero!]]''. However, it is suspected that [[CMOT Dibbler]] could have some responsibility for that.

Cohen served a brief stint as Emperor of the Agatean Empire, after the Silver Horde stole the entire Empire. However, he soon grew bored of a life bereft of constant adventure and peril, and when [[Old Vincent]] choked on a cucumber (a decidedly un-heroic way to die), he led the Horde on a final mission - returning fire to the gods in the form of Agatean Thunder Clay.

Cohen, over the course of his long career, has been everywhere and done everything, sometimes twice. After learning of the man's exploits, he views himself as similar to [[Carelinus]], the greatest conquerer in the history of the Disc, only "not as cissy, obviously".

During his final adventure (on the Disc, at least), Cohen joined the very small group of people who have successfully cheated [[Fate]] by rolling a 7 on a 6-sided die. Of course, he did this by cutting it in half while it was up in the air, so that both the side showing 6 and the side showing 1 landed face up, but everyone agreed that it was a fine stroke and certainly a very barbarian-like way of solving the problem.

He, and most of the rest of his horde, was last seen taking his leave of [[Dunmanifestin]], the home of Gods, on stolen Valkyries mounts, after a mission aimed to blow the place to smithereens. Whether or not they were actually dead at the time is left to speculation, but as Cohen said, they didn't think they were dead and they'd never cared what anyone else thought.

Once bought an apple.

==Annotations==

Cohen is clearly based on the mighty {{wp|Conan_the_Barbarian|Conan the Barbarian}}, created by Robert E. Howard as a "virile, axe-wielding, fur-bearing, cranium-smashing barbarian" and being still reimagined today. Cohen is the end-of-life, what-they-might-become story of an elderly hero whose days of trampling the jewelled thrones of the world beneath his sandalled feet etc. etc. are not over yet, even if he needs a support to trample these days.

The name ''Ghenghiz Cohen'' is a clear reference to ''Ghengis Khan'', a barbarian who became the founder and Emperor of the Mongolian Empire in the 11th century (or Conan the Barbarian). Like Cohen, he was also said to have fathered a large number of descendants.

The "Cohen" part leads to the gag "wholesale slaughter", being a pune on the [[Roundworld]] understanding of Jews being rather good salespeople.

"The best things in life according to him are "hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper". This is a reference to the Arnold Schwarzenegger {{wp|Conan_the_Barbarian_(1982_film)|movie version}} of Conan, wherein in some forsaken yurt the various gathered chieftains and warriors are swapping their versions of what is best in life. Conan is asked, and replies "to crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of their women." TP builds this scene up in much the same way, to end on the gags about growing old.

{{wp|David_Bradley_%28actor%29|David Bradley}} (the caretaker; Argus Filch; in the ''Harry Potter'' movies and the gangster Stemroach in ''Ideal'') plays Cohen in the Sky One adaptation of {{COM}}.

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[Category:Serial characters]]
[[Category:Leading characters]]
[[de:Dschingis Cohen]]

Goblins

2018-06-02T01:35:09Z

MarcusSLazarus: /* Culture & Religion */

'''Goblins''' are a small humanoid species on [[The Disc]]. They were generally despised by most other species until the events of {{SN}}, where they made their debut appearance and their culture was fleshed out. Historically, goblins have been treated as vermin, not humanoids, with no rights under the law; they could be enslaved or exterminated, with no consequences.

==Culture & Religion==
Goblins, like some [[Dwarfs]], typically live underground in large cave systems. Some live in the caverns on the Ramkin country estate, [[Crundells]]. Goblins have good night vision, living underground. Their language is very difficult for non-goblins to understand, and when they speak the common tongue, it sounds mechanical, as if they are opening and closing a box for each syllable. They wear clothing, make jewelry, create tiny beautiful ceramic boxes, harvest wild plants, drink alcohol, and sometimes -- people say -- they steal chickens.

In {{SN}}, goblins and their culture/religion are explored in greater depth. Their religion, [[Unggue]], is based around the belief that everything that was once part of your body is always part of your body, and thus, it must be buried with you after death.

{{RS}} reveals that, to goblins, a shortened name is a mark of shame and dishonor, with [[Of the Twilight the Darkness]] allowing [[Moist von Lipwig]] to get away with calling him 'Twilight' just the once as he understands that Moist was unaware of this aspect of goblin culture. The only known exception to this rule is [[Stinky]], the first goblin member of a local watch, as his superior and colleague, Constable [[Feeney Upshot]], needed something short he could use to call for help in the event of an immediate threat.

==Work History==
Because of their non-humanoid status, finding decent employment was difficult, historically. In a discussion about [[Dwarfs]] keeping up old traditions, it is said that rich Dwarfs in non-Dwarfish professions, such as the clerical trade, will employ goblins to do nothing but hit small ceremonial anvils with small ceremonial hammers all day, purely to create the sort of atmosphere in which a Dwarf finds it easy to think. Due to their former non-status, goblins were used as slave labour on plantations by unsavoury characters such as [[Gravid Rust]].

Goblins are also mentioned in {{RM}}, in an excerpt from a Merchant's guild publication, as running delicatessens in [[The Shades]].
In [[Ankh-Morpork]] they primarily work for fair-minded [[Harry King]] in his recycling and waste industries.

==Aptitudes & Recent Status==
As a species, their unique talents and abilities finally came to the public eye in the events of {{SN}}. Thereafter, goblins gained humanoid status. They now find work where their natural understanding of machinery comes in handy, such as on the [[clacks]] system or [[Moist von Lipwig]]'s new railway engines. From {{RS}}: "Goblins, quite apart from now being ubiquitous in the clacks industry, were also doing very well and picking up serious folding money in the ceramics business. Goblin pots were beautiful, extremely fine and as iridescent as a butterfly’s wing." In {{RS}} goblins manufacture the finest surgical instruments in the basement of the [[Lady Sybil Free Hospital]]. One can only assume they tinker away at the design, based on sketches from [[Dr. Lawn]].

Some goblins are incredibly talented musicians, with the young harpist and composer [[Tears of the Mushroom]] being a prominent example. Some goblins communicate with animals, as when [[Stinky]] soothed the horse Commander Vimes rode, in {{SN}}, and told it to kneel.

In Raising Steam, a goblin named [[Of the Twilight the Darkness]] shows great aptitude for steam engines, including the [[Iron Girder]]. Many other goblins get jobs working with trains.including goblins from Uberward. Of the Twilight the Darkness says, “Already Uberwald goblins giving themselves railway name. Speaks funny, those ones, but quick clever, like all goblin.” Apparently, goblins are natural-born tinkerers. One invented the bicycle in {{RS}}; Vetinari finally did smile and said, “A remarkable velocipede, Mister Of the Wheel the Spoke. I do believe that Leonard of Quirm had a similar idea, but now we are in a world of motion, I see no problem here."

==Relation to other species==
[[Gnolls]], in earlier books, are explicitly described as a sort of stone-goblin. (Use of the word "goblin" supports the position that originally, Terry Pratchett intended them to be the Discworld analogue of Tolkien's [[wikipedia:Orcs|Orcs]], as they are vicious, sadistic, murderous, and attracted to filth). However, by the time of {{J}}, all that appears to survive of this original concept is the attraction to filth and possibly a little residual cruelty.

In {{UA}}, a [[Nutt|new race]], initially confused with goblins, is introduced to the Discworld. This association is refuted at the end of the book, where Lord [[Vetinari]] remarks that [[Orcs]] must have been bred from [[Humans|men]] - only humanity has the inherent cruelty requisite for being subverted into orcishness; goblins are too small-time. TP ''really'' doesn't have that much respect for humankind. Goblins are, in fact, a separate species, unrelated to Orcs, Gnolls, [[Gnomes]] or [[Pictsies]].

==Notable Goblins==
*[[Of the Lathe the Swarf]]
*[[Of The Wheel the Spoke]]
*[[Of the Wind Regretfully Blown]] ("Billy Slick")
*[[Shine of the Rainbow]]
*[[Sound of the Rain on Hard Ground]]
*[[Stinky]]
*[[Tears of the Mushroom]]
*[[The Cold Bone Wakes]]
*[[Of the Twilight the Darkness]]
*By adoption
**[[Felicity Beedle]] ([[Carrot Ironfoundersson|technically]])
**Breaking Wind ([[Nobby Nobbs]])

==Annotation==
On the change of the nature of Gnolls through the books: there is a famous critical comment on Terry Pratchett's work, comparing him to Tolkien, but with the caveat that "in these Détènte-driven days, Pratchett has no horrors waiting to emerge from the East". (He doesn't have an East as such, in fact).

It could just be that an Orc-analogue simply wasn't needed - look at the way Elves have filled the niche for a non-human Other, which is inimical to mankind - and having introduced Gnolls in an earlier book, they simply got recycled to fill a different socio-ecological niche more suited to Discworld. Which as an argument holds really well together until you get to {{UA}} and have to rip it all up and start again, when a [[Orcs|new race]], which might originally have begun as Goblins (or men - see the article) but was seriously improved on by [[Igor]]s working for the Dark Side, is introduced.

[[Ponder Stibbons]] once played the role of Third Goblin in a school play.

[[Category:Discworld humanoid species]]
[[de:Goblins]]