Bergholt Stuttley Johnson - Revision history

Moishe Rosenbaum: /* Roundworld Comparisons */ the NASA BSJ mistake was force, not length; and rm the reference to Irish metrification per AgProv's note on talk page.

2025-11-29T01:12:55Z

Roundworld Comparisons: the NASA BSJ mistake was force, not length; and rm the reference to Irish metrification per AgProv's note on talk page.

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:12, 29 November 2025
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	In the spoof rockumentary movie ''This is Spinal Tap'', mention must be made of the B.S. Johnson moment when the band's manager totally fails to communicate with the stage-prop designer. In a truly Discworld moment, the conventional symbols for inches (") and feet (') are confused, and a Stonehenge-sized trilithon meant to be 18' x 12' - isn't. It is, however, 18" x 12". This adds a new poignancy to the lyric ''See the little people dance'', as the expensively-hired dwarf dancers proceed to hide the mighty trilithon with their bodies, and eventually kick it a little way across the stage.		In the spoof rockumentary movie ''This is Spinal Tap'', mention must be made of the B.S. Johnson moment when the band's manager totally fails to communicate with the stage-prop designer. In a truly Discworld moment, the conventional symbols for inches (") and feet (') are confused, and a Stonehenge-sized trilithon meant to be 18' x 12' - isn't. It is, however, 18" x 12". This adds a new poignancy to the lyric ''See the little people dance'', as the expensively-hired dwarf dancers proceed to hide the mighty trilithon with their bodies, and eventually kick it a little way across the stage.

	Similarly, American and European agencies completely failed to liaise concerning a joint Mars rocket project. Little things like a standard system of measurement passed them by and while Europe used metric units, the USA thought in terms of ~~feet and inches~~. ~~Even a few millionths of an inch~~, ~~or indeed a centimetre~~, ~~of error when mating critical components~~ was adequate to jointly engineer a very big, very expensive, firework. B.S. Johnson is alive and well and working for NASA. Or the ESA. Or both.		Similarly, American and European agencies completely failed to liaise concerning a joint Mars rocket project. Little things like a standard system of measurement passed them by and while Europe used metric units of newtons for force, the USA thought in terms of pounds. When the landing rockets fired, they fired with five times the necessary force (1 pound is about 5 newtons), and so the mistake was adequate to jointly engineer a very big, very expensive, firework. B.S. Johnson was alive and well and working for NASA. Or the ESA. Or both.

	The government of the Republic of Ireland recently announced, proudly, that it had completed the changeover from the ambivalently-named Imperial system (a leftover of having been, largely unwillingly, part of the British Imperial system) to the European-standard Metric system of weights and measures. As one of Ireland's principal exports to the rest of the world is building contractors and labourers, it was immediately pointed out that most builders will still ask for - and be able to buy - a hundred metres of four-by-two, or a gross of 7mm diameter screws, or a box of 3/4 inch nails with 5mm heads. Clearly Irish metrification, with its gloriously Discworld gloss, needs more work.

	In 1998, it was reported that the US State of Alabama had passed legislation redefining the value of Pi from 3.14159 to 3, in order to bring it in line with Biblical precepts. This has been proven to be an April Fools gag.[http://www.snopes.com/religion/pi.asp] That said, the {{wp\|Indiana_Pi_Bill\|Indiana Pi Bill}} really was nearly passed, and the details surrounding it are perhaps worthy of a Discworldian plot of their own.		In 1998, it was reported that the US State of Alabama had passed legislation redefining the value of Pi from 3.14159 to 3, in order to bring it in line with Biblical precepts. This has been proven to be an April Fools gag.[http://www.snopes.com/religion/pi.asp] That said, the {{wp\|Indiana_Pi_Bill\|Indiana Pi Bill}} really was nearly passed, and the details surrounding it are perhaps worthy of a Discworldian plot of their own.

Old Dickens: format

2021-01-10T05:36:53Z

format

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:36, 10 January 2021
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	*'''Ornamental cruet set''' for Lord Snapcase, Ankh-Morpork. The salt and pepper shakers are large enough to house four families and store grain. Another ornamental cruet set found its way, by accident, into the design of the [[Sto Lat]] maze.		*'''Ornamental cruet set''' for Lord Snapcase, Ankh-Morpork. The salt and pepper shakers are large enough to house four families and store grain. Another ornamental cruet set found its way, by accident, into the design of the [[Sto Lat]] maze.
	*'''[[Empirical Crescent]]''', Ankh-Morpork. It looks like a normal set of houses, but the dimensions inside it are twisted, as well as of the gardens. Everybody throws out their junk, because it probably doesn't land in their own gardens. Someone might live at number 1, but his bedroom could be at number 3 and his kitchen in number 5. The painter [[Methodia Rascal]] lived in this street, which probably didn't do any good to his already unstable mental constitution.		*'''[[Empirical Crescent]]''', Ankh-Morpork. It looks like a normal set of houses, but the dimensions inside it are twisted, as well as of the gardens. Everybody throws out their junk, because it probably doesn't land in their own gardens. Someone might live at number 1, but his bedroom could be at number 3 and his kitchen in number 5. The painter [[Methodia Rascal]] lived in this street, which probably didn't do any good to his already unstable mental constitution.
	*The '''[[Great Maze of Sto Lat]] - designed by Johnson and made more problematical when the blueprint got, er, interfered with.		*The '''[[Great Maze of Sto Lat]]''' - designed by Johnson and made more problematical when the blueprint got, er, interfered with.

	==Devices==		==Devices==

JesseW: use {MB}

2020-03-08T01:45:13Z

use {MB}

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:45, 8 March 2020
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	\|marital status=		\|marital status=
	\|books=		\|books=
	\|cameos= mentioned in many of the books, such as: {{MAA}}, {{IT}}, {{M!!!}}, {{H}}, {{CJ}}, {{GP}}, {{T!}}, {{UA}}, ~~[[Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]]~~		\|cameos= mentioned in many of the books, such as: {{MAA}}, {{IT}}, {{M!!!}}, {{H}}, {{CJ}}, {{GP}}, {{T!}}, {{UA}}, {{MB}}
	}}		}}
	Real name '''Bergholt Stuttley Johnson'''. He probably didn't ask for his nickname, but it was so fitting that people of all classes and from all walks of life – [[wizard's magic\|wizards]], [[Sto Plains\|nobles]], [[Ankh-Morpork\|ordinary city people]] – all through history called, and still call him, '''"Bloody Stupid" Johnson'''.		Real name '''Bergholt Stuttley Johnson'''. He probably didn't ask for his nickname, but it was so fitting that people of all classes and from all walks of life – [[wizard's magic\|wizards]], [[Sto Plains\|nobles]], [[Ankh-Morpork\|ordinary city people]] – all through history called, and still call him, '''"Bloody Stupid" Johnson'''.
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	The date of his death is not available. He worked for Lord [[Snapcase]] but not after his term, so it was in the range of thirty years ago. His invention of the Sorting Engine at the Post Office is within living memory of [[Tolliver Groat]]. [[Sybil Ramkin]]'s grandfather shot him in the leg. This could have taken place far earlier while her grandparent was still young and vigorous enough to draw a bow, or it could have been when he was old but still keen-eyed enough to use a crossbow. Conflictingly, the {{AMPOH}} has a reference to his having done a memorably ''different'' job for the [[Post Office]] in the Common Year of 1815, over a century before the "present". This could be due to his having been very long lived; or else B.S. Johnson is a family name handed down, from father to son, in a dynasty of similarly inclined people; or it could be [[History Monks]] - again.		The date of his death is not available. He worked for Lord [[Snapcase]] but not after his term, so it was in the range of thirty years ago. His invention of the Sorting Engine at the Post Office is within living memory of [[Tolliver Groat]]. [[Sybil Ramkin]]'s grandfather shot him in the leg. This could have taken place far earlier while her grandparent was still young and vigorous enough to draw a bow, or it could have been when he was old but still keen-eyed enough to use a crossbow. Conflictingly, the {{AMPOH}} has a reference to his having done a memorably ''different'' job for the [[Post Office]] in the Common Year of 1815, over a century before the "present". This could be due to his having been very long lived; or else B.S. Johnson is a family name handed down, from father to son, in a dynasty of similarly inclined people; or it could be [[History Monks]] - again.

	However, lost and forgotten examples of his prolific design come to the light of day all the time. As the railways expand and find new destinations, ~~[[Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]]~~ lists several Johnson designs which have found new purpose - completely unintended by their builder - around the Sto plains. These will be added to the lists below as they emerge.		However, lost and forgotten examples of his prolific design come to the light of day all the time. As the railways expand and find new destinations, {{MB}} lists several Johnson designs which have found new purpose - completely unintended by their builder - around the Sto plains. These will be added to the lists below as they emerge.

	All in all, his works include:		All in all, his works include:

Lucidfox: /* Roundworld Comparisons */

2017-11-17T06:09:07Z

Roundworld Comparisons

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:09, 17 November 2017
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	The government of the Republic of Ireland recently announced, proudly, that it had completed the changeover from the ambivalently-named Imperial system (a leftover of having been, largely unwillingly, part of the British Imperial system) to the European-standard Metric system of weights and measures. As one of Ireland's principal exports to the rest of the world is building contractors and labourers, it was immediately pointed out that most builders will still ask for - and be able to buy - a hundred metres of four-by-two, or a gross of 7mm diameter screws, or a box of 3/4 inch nails with 5mm heads. Clearly Irish metrification, with its gloriously Discworld gloss, needs more work.		The government of the Republic of Ireland recently announced, proudly, that it had completed the changeover from the ambivalently-named Imperial system (a leftover of having been, largely unwillingly, part of the British Imperial system) to the European-standard Metric system of weights and measures. As one of Ireland's principal exports to the rest of the world is building contractors and labourers, it was immediately pointed out that most builders will still ask for - and be able to buy - a hundred metres of four-by-two, or a gross of 7mm diameter screws, or a box of 3/4 inch nails with 5mm heads. Clearly Irish metrification, with its gloriously Discworld gloss, needs more work.

	In 1998, it was reported that the US State of Alabama had passed legislation redefining the value of Pi from 3.14159 to 3, in order to bring it in line with Biblical precepts. This has been proven to be an April Fools gag.[http://www.snopes.com/religion/pi.asp] That said, the {{wp\|Indiana Pi Bill}} really was nearly passed, and the details surrounding it are perhaps worthy of a Discworldian plot of their own.		In 1998, it was reported that the US State of Alabama had passed legislation redefining the value of Pi from 3.14159 to 3, in order to bring it in line with Biblical precepts. This has been proven to be an April Fools gag.[http://www.snopes.com/religion/pi.asp] That said, the {{wp\|Indiana_Pi_Bill\|Indiana Pi Bill}} really was nearly passed, and the details surrounding it are perhaps worthy of a Discworldian plot of their own.

Lucidfox: /* Roundworld Comparisons */

2017-11-17T06:08:23Z

Roundworld Comparisons

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:08, 17 November 2017
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	The government of the Republic of Ireland recently announced, proudly, that it had completed the changeover from the ambivalently-named Imperial system (a leftover of having been, largely unwillingly, part of the British Imperial system) to the European-standard Metric system of weights and measures. As one of Ireland's principal exports to the rest of the world is building contractors and labourers, it was immediately pointed out that most builders will still ask for - and be able to buy - a hundred metres of four-by-two, or a gross of 7mm diameter screws, or a box of 3/4 inch nails with 5mm heads. Clearly Irish metrification, with its gloriously Discworld gloss, needs more work.		The government of the Republic of Ireland recently announced, proudly, that it had completed the changeover from the ambivalently-named Imperial system (a leftover of having been, largely unwillingly, part of the British Imperial system) to the European-standard Metric system of weights and measures. As one of Ireland's principal exports to the rest of the world is building contractors and labourers, it was immediately pointed out that most builders will still ask for - and be able to buy - a hundred metres of four-by-two, or a gross of 7mm diameter screws, or a box of 3/4 inch nails with 5mm heads. Clearly Irish metrification, with its gloriously Discworld gloss, needs more work.

	In 1998, it was reported that the US State of Alabama had passed legislation redefining the value of Pi from 3.14159 to 3, in order to bring it in line with Biblical precepts. This has been proven to be an April Fools gag.[http://www.snopes.com/religion/pi.asp]		In 1998, it was reported that the US State of Alabama had passed legislation redefining the value of Pi from 3.14159 to 3, in order to bring it in line with Biblical precepts. This has been proven to be an April Fools gag.[http://www.snopes.com/religion/pi.asp] That said, the {{wp\|Indiana Pi Bill}} really was nearly passed, and the details surrounding it are perhaps worthy of a Discworldian plot of their own.

Old Dickens at 21:31, 23 October 2017

2017-10-23T21:31:41Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:31, 23 October 2017
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	{{Character Data		{{Character Data
	\|title= "Bloody Stupid" Johnson		\|title= "Bloody Stupid" Johnson
	\|photo=		\|photo=Blank.jpg\|
	\|name= Bergholt Stuttley Johnson		\|name= Bergholt Stuttley Johnson
	\|age=		\|age=
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	\|marital status=		\|marital status=
	\|books=		\|books=
	\|cameos= mentioned in many of the books, such as: {{MAA}}, {{IT}}, {{M!!!}}, {{H}}, {{CJ}}, {{GP}}, {{T!}}, {{UA}}, [Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]]		\|cameos= mentioned in many of the books, such as: {{MAA}}, {{IT}}, {{M!!!}}, {{H}}, {{CJ}}, {{GP}}, {{T!}}, {{UA}}, [[Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]]
	}}		}}
	Real name '''Bergholt Stuttley Johnson'''. He probably didn't ask for his nickname, but it was so fitting that people of all classes and from all walks of life – [[wizard's magic\|wizards]], [[Sto Plains\|nobles]], [[Ankh-Morpork\|ordinary city people]] – all through history called, and still call him, '''"Bloody Stupid" Johnson'''.		Real name '''Bergholt Stuttley Johnson'''. He probably didn't ask for his nickname, but it was so fitting that people of all classes and from all walks of life – [[wizard's magic\|wizards]], [[Sto Plains\|nobles]], [[Ankh-Morpork\|ordinary city people]] – all through history called, and still call him, '''"Bloody Stupid" Johnson'''.

Mute Ant: an-historical ano a-historical

2017-06-05T16:56:30Z

an-historical ano a-historical

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:56, 5 June 2017
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	Real name '''Bergholt Stuttley Johnson'''. He probably didn't ask for his nickname, but it was so fitting that people of all classes and from all walks of life – [[wizard's magic\|wizards]], [[Sto Plains\|nobles]], [[Ankh-Morpork\|ordinary city people]] – all through history called, and still call him, '''"Bloody Stupid" Johnson'''.		Real name '''Bergholt Stuttley Johnson'''. He probably didn't ask for his nickname, but it was so fitting that people of all classes and from all walks of life – [[wizard's magic\|wizards]], [[Sto Plains\|nobles]], [[Ankh-Morpork\|ordinary city people]] – all through history called, and still call him, '''"Bloody Stupid" Johnson'''.

	Johnson is a historical figure, which is a blessing because the damage would be considerable if he were still active. (There is evidence that he was alive during or just before the time of ''Light Fantastic'', given that he was commissioned by [[Galder Weatherwax\|Archchancellor Weatherwax]]). Supposedly, Johnson claimed that a truly good inventor ought to be able to invent ''anything''. That, using a modern interpretation, may suggest that a truly infinite multiverse ought to contain all kinds of good things, bad things, and plain weird things. A more fair and analytical statement posited that Johnson's inventions might very well be ingenious, but would never turn out to do what they were supposed to do. If something he designed worked well, it was purely by accident. Somebody requiring a surface-to-air missile probably should ask Johnson to design a small fountain.		Johnson is an historical figure, which is a blessing because the damage would be considerable if he were still active. (There is evidence that he was alive during or just before the time of ''Light Fantastic'', given that he was commissioned by [[Galder Weatherwax\|Archchancellor Weatherwax]]). Supposedly, Johnson claimed that a truly good inventor ought to be able to invent ''anything''. That, using a modern interpretation, may suggest that a truly infinite multiverse ought to contain all kinds of good things, bad things, and plain weird things. A more fair and analytical statement posited that Johnson's inventions might very well be ingenious, but would never turn out to do what they were supposed to do. If something he designed worked well, it was purely by accident. Somebody requiring a surface-to-air missile probably should ask Johnson to design a small fountain.

	In addition to inventing machines of all sorts, Johnson also did architectural designs. Some of the things went ''wrong'' because of drawing the plan the wrong way around, being careless with unit measures (feet vs. inches) and numbers (1,000 vs. 0.001), and so on, but other strange effects must have taken considerable skills. The only thing(s) he developed that worked well, in the way that they were supposed to, without ever breaking down, were the organs (musical instruments), three of which are still in existence and in good working condition. Each of these great organs is a huge contraption with an amazing, possibly frightening, range of sound effects.		In addition to inventing machines of all sorts, Johnson also did architectural designs. Some of the things went ''wrong'' because of drawing the plan the wrong way around, being careless with unit measures (feet vs. inches) and numbers (1,000 vs. 0.001), and so on, but other strange effects must have taken considerable skills. The only thing(s) he developed that worked well, in the way that they were supposed to, without ever breaking down, were the organs (musical instruments), three of which are still in existence and in good working condition. Each of these great organs is a huge contraption with an amazing, possibly frightening, range of sound effects.

AgProv: tidying

2016-07-13T12:23:30Z

tidying

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:23, 13 July 2016
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	*'''The Improved Manicure Device''': cited by Ridcully in {{H}} as to how not all of Bloody Stupid Johnson's inventions don't work: what about that thing in the kitchen, that they use for peeling potatoes? To which the [[Dean]] responds, "Ah, you mean the thing with the brass plate saying ''Improved Manicure Device'', Archchancellor?" Still, at least this blunder of Johnson's has been put to some good use. Explanation: industrial potato peelers, as used in large kitchens and high-volume catering outlets, take the form of a revolving steel drum inside a waterproof housing. The inside of the drum is serrated, like a large and evil cheesegrater, and is filled with up to a hundred large potatoes at a time. When the lid is closed and the drum set to rotate at high speed, the potatoes rumble around inside, their outer skins being shaved away by the serrations; water is passed through to flush the detritus out, and eventually a hundred slightly smaller and impeccably peeled spuds (or carrots, or parsnips, or turnips) are allowed to cascade out. While it ''could'' trim your fingernails, it is best not to attempt this as it might be regarded as overkill. In all probability you'd never need a manicure again.		*'''The Improved Manicure Device''': cited by Ridcully in {{H}} as to how not all of Bloody Stupid Johnson's inventions don't work: what about that thing in the kitchen, that they use for peeling potatoes? To which the [[Dean]] responds, "Ah, you mean the thing with the brass plate saying ''Improved Manicure Device'', Archchancellor?" Still, at least this blunder of Johnson's has been put to some good use. Explanation: industrial potato peelers, as used in large kitchens and high-volume catering outlets, take the form of a revolving steel drum inside a waterproof housing. The inside of the drum is serrated, like a large and evil cheesegrater, and is filled with up to a hundred large potatoes at a time. When the lid is closed and the drum set to rotate at high speed, the potatoes rumble around inside, their outer skins being shaved away by the serrations; water is passed through to flush the detritus out, and eventually a hundred slightly smaller and impeccably peeled spuds (or carrots, or parsnips, or turnips) are allowed to cascade out. While it ''could'' trim your fingernails, it is best not to attempt this as it might be regarded as overkill. In all probability you'd never need a manicure again.
	*'''Clockwork spoon''': In {{UA}}, [[Nutt]] comments as to how the clockwork spoon, designed by Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, would probably be one of the four contenders for his favorite spoon. (He was being interviewed by [[Bu-Bubble]] at the time). As the name indicates, it was a spoon, powered by clockwork. not much else. Apparently, though, it worked so well that if you put it into a cup of tea, the cup would fly helicopter-like to the ceiling. Nutt would have loved to be a fly on the wall to observe it in operation- although, not too close, obviously...		*'''Clockwork spoon''': In {{UA}}, [[Nutt]] comments as to how the clockwork spoon, designed by Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, would probably be one of the four contenders for his favorite spoon. (He was being interviewed by [[Bu-Bubble]] at the time). As the name indicates, it was a spoon, powered by clockwork. not much else. Apparently, though, it worked so well that if you put it into a cup of tea, the cup would fly helicopter-like to the ceiling. Nutt would have loved to be a fly on the wall to observe it in operation- although, not too close, obviously...
	* The ''Pneumatic Transit Tube'' now used, in a ''safe'' form, by department stores such as [[~~Crumleighs~~]] to enable counter-clerks to send cash received to a central accounting office and to receive till floats and change. By inference, Johnson invented this, in his own inimitable way. An early and evidently prototype version was installed in 1815 (according to the {{AMPOH}}) to ostensibly make life easier for counter-clerks at the Post Office. However. Johnson's version propelled heavy metal tubes full of money at such a velocity that they could have been employed as artillery. Several holes exist in the walls which have been patched up but are still visible over a century on from 1815, the stated date of installation, and shell-strikes may still be seen on buildings opposite. The then Patrician, after representations from the then [[Iodine Maccalariat\|Maccalariats]] of the day, promptly outlawed the device until it could be made safe.		* The '''Pneumatic Transit Tube''' now used, in a ''safe'' form, by department stores such as [[Crumley's]] to enable counter-clerks to send cash received to a central accounting office and to receive till floats and change. By inference, Johnson invented this, in his own inimitable way. An early and evidently prototype version was installed in 1815 (according to the {{AMPOH}}) to ostensibly make life easier for counter-clerks at the Post Office. However. Johnson's version propelled heavy metal tubes full of money at such a velocity that they could have been employed as artillery. Several holes exist in the walls which have been patched up but are still visible over a century on from 1815, the stated date of installation, and shell-strikes may still be seen on buildings opposite. The then Patrician, after representations from the then [[Iodine Maccalariat\|Maccalariats]] of the day, promptly outlawed the device until it could be made safe.

	==Landscaping==		==Landscaping==

AgProv at 10:26, 13 July 2016

2016-07-13T10:26:15Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:26, 13 July 2016
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	He became so notorious, that it became fashionable for rich people to have been "Johnsoned" (see ''[[Book:The Discworld Companion\|The Discworld Companion]]''). [[Sybil Ramkin]] proudly states that her family's property escaped this fate, as her grandfather saw Johnson walking up the drive one day with a hopeful salesman's smile on his face; Grand-père Ramkin promptly shot him in the leg as a warning.		He became so notorious, that it became fashionable for rich people to have been "Johnsoned" (see ''[[Book:The Discworld Companion\|The Discworld Companion]]''). [[Sybil Ramkin]] proudly states that her family's property escaped this fate, as her grandfather saw Johnson walking up the drive one day with a hopeful salesman's smile on his face; Grand-père Ramkin promptly shot him in the leg as a warning.

	The date of his death is not available. He worked for Lord [[Snapcase]] but not after his term, so it was in the range of thirty years ago. His invention of the Sorting Engine at the Post Office is within living memory of [[Tolliver Groat]]. [[Sybil Ramkin]]'s grandfather shot him in the leg. This could have taken place far earlier while her grandparent was still young and vigorous enough to draw a bow, or it could have been when he was old but still keen-eyed enough to use a crossbow. Conflictingly, the {{AMPOH}} has a reference to his having done a memorably ''different'' job for the [[Post Office]] in the Common Year of 1815, over a century before the "present". This could be due to his having been very long lived; or else B.S. Johnson is a family name handed down, from father to son, in a dynasty of similarly inclined people; or it could be [[History ~~monks~~]] - again.		The date of his death is not available. He worked for Lord [[Snapcase]] but not after his term, so it was in the range of thirty years ago. His invention of the Sorting Engine at the Post Office is within living memory of [[Tolliver Groat]]. [[Sybil Ramkin]]'s grandfather shot him in the leg. This could have taken place far earlier while her grandparent was still young and vigorous enough to draw a bow, or it could have been when he was old but still keen-eyed enough to use a crossbow. Conflictingly, the {{AMPOH}} has a reference to his having done a memorably ''different'' job for the [[Post Office]] in the Common Year of 1815, over a century before the "present". This could be due to his having been very long lived; or else B.S. Johnson is a family name handed down, from father to son, in a dynasty of similarly inclined people; or it could be [[History Monks]] - again.

	However, lost and forgotten examples of his prolific design come to the light of day all the time. As the railways expand and find new destinations, [[Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]] lists several Johnson designs which have found new purpose - completely unintended by their builder - around the Sto plains. These will be added to the lists below as they emerge.		However, lost and forgotten examples of his prolific design come to the light of day all the time. As the railways expand and find new destinations, [[Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]] lists several Johnson designs which have found new purpose - completely unintended by their builder - around the Sto plains. These will be added to the lists below as they emerge.

AgProv: Expanding with information from the relevant Yearbook

2016-07-13T10:25:42Z

Expanding with information from the relevant Yearbook

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:25, 13 July 2016
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	He became so notorious, that it became fashionable for rich people to have been "Johnsoned" (see ''[[Book:The Discworld Companion\|The Discworld Companion]]''). [[Sybil Ramkin]] proudly states that her family's property escaped this fate, as her grandfather saw Johnson walking up the drive one day with a hopeful salesman's smile on his face; Grand-père Ramkin promptly shot him in the leg as a warning.		He became so notorious, that it became fashionable for rich people to have been "Johnsoned" (see ''[[Book:The Discworld Companion\|The Discworld Companion]]''). [[Sybil Ramkin]] proudly states that her family's property escaped this fate, as her grandfather saw Johnson walking up the drive one day with a hopeful salesman's smile on his face; Grand-père Ramkin promptly shot him in the leg as a warning.

	The date of his death is not available. He worked for Lord [[Snapcase]] but not after his term, so it was in the range of thirty years ago. His invention of the Sorting Engine at the Post Office is within living memory of [[Tolliver Groat]]. [[Sybil Ramkin]]'s grandfather shot him in the leg. This could have taken place far earlier while her grandparent was still young and vigorous enough to draw a bow, or it could have been when he was old but still keen-eyed enough to use a crossbow.		The date of his death is not available. He worked for Lord [[Snapcase]] but not after his term, so it was in the range of thirty years ago. His invention of the Sorting Engine at the Post Office is within living memory of [[Tolliver Groat]]. [[Sybil Ramkin]]'s grandfather shot him in the leg. This could have taken place far earlier while her grandparent was still young and vigorous enough to draw a bow, or it could have been when he was old but still keen-eyed enough to use a crossbow. Conflictingly, the {{AMPOH}} has a reference to his having done a memorably ''different'' job for the [[Post Office]] in the Common Year of 1815, over a century before the "present". This could be due to his having been very long lived; or else B.S. Johnson is a family name handed down, from father to son, in a dynasty of similarly inclined people; or it could be [[History monks]] - again.

	However, lost and forgotten examples of his prolific design come to the light of day all the time. As the railways expand and find new destinations, [[Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]] lists several Johnson designs which have found new purpose - completely unintended by their builder - around the Sto plains. These will be added to the lists below as they emerge.		However, lost and forgotten examples of his prolific design come to the light of day all the time. As the railways expand and find new destinations, [[Book:Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook\|Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook]] lists several Johnson designs which have found new purpose - completely unintended by their builder - around the Sto plains. These will be added to the lists below as they emerge.
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	*'''The Improved Manicure Device''': cited by Ridcully in {{H}} as to how not all of Bloody Stupid Johnson's inventions don't work: what about that thing in the kitchen, that they use for peeling potatoes? To which the [[Dean]] responds, "Ah, you mean the thing with the brass plate saying ''Improved Manicure Device'', Archchancellor?" Still, at least this blunder of Johnson's has been put to some good use. Explanation: industrial potato peelers, as used in large kitchens and high-volume catering outlets, take the form of a revolving steel drum inside a waterproof housing. The inside of the drum is serrated, like a large and evil cheesegrater, and is filled with up to a hundred large potatoes at a time. When the lid is closed and the drum set to rotate at high speed, the potatoes rumble around inside, their outer skins being shaved away by the serrations; water is passed through to flush the detritus out, and eventually a hundred slightly smaller and impeccably peeled spuds (or carrots, or parsnips, or turnips) are allowed to cascade out. While it ''could'' trim your fingernails, it is best not to attempt this as it might be regarded as overkill. In all probability you'd never need a manicure again.		*'''The Improved Manicure Device''': cited by Ridcully in {{H}} as to how not all of Bloody Stupid Johnson's inventions don't work: what about that thing in the kitchen, that they use for peeling potatoes? To which the [[Dean]] responds, "Ah, you mean the thing with the brass plate saying ''Improved Manicure Device'', Archchancellor?" Still, at least this blunder of Johnson's has been put to some good use. Explanation: industrial potato peelers, as used in large kitchens and high-volume catering outlets, take the form of a revolving steel drum inside a waterproof housing. The inside of the drum is serrated, like a large and evil cheesegrater, and is filled with up to a hundred large potatoes at a time. When the lid is closed and the drum set to rotate at high speed, the potatoes rumble around inside, their outer skins being shaved away by the serrations; water is passed through to flush the detritus out, and eventually a hundred slightly smaller and impeccably peeled spuds (or carrots, or parsnips, or turnips) are allowed to cascade out. While it ''could'' trim your fingernails, it is best not to attempt this as it might be regarded as overkill. In all probability you'd never need a manicure again.
	*'''Clockwork spoon''': In {{UA}}, [[Nutt]] comments as to how the clockwork spoon, designed by Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, would probably be one of the four contenders for his favorite spoon. (He was being interviewed by [[Bu-Bubble]] at the time). As the name indicates, it was a spoon, powered by clockwork. not much else. Apparently, though, it worked so well that if you put it into a cup of tea, the cup would fly helicopter-like to the ceiling. Nutt would have loved to be a fly on the wall to observe it in operation- although, not too close, obviously...		*'''Clockwork spoon''': In {{UA}}, [[Nutt]] comments as to how the clockwork spoon, designed by Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, would probably be one of the four contenders for his favorite spoon. (He was being interviewed by [[Bu-Bubble]] at the time). As the name indicates, it was a spoon, powered by clockwork. not much else. Apparently, though, it worked so well that if you put it into a cup of tea, the cup would fly helicopter-like to the ceiling. Nutt would have loved to be a fly on the wall to observe it in operation- although, not too close, obviously...
			* The ''Pneumatic Transit Tube'' now used, in a ''safe'' form, by department stores such as [[Crumleighs]] to enable counter-clerks to send cash received to a central accounting office and to receive till floats and change. By inference, Johnson invented this, in his own inimitable way. An early and evidently prototype version was installed in 1815 (according to the {{AMPOH}}) to ostensibly make life easier for counter-clerks at the Post Office. However. Johnson's version propelled heavy metal tubes full of money at such a velocity that they could have been employed as artillery. Several holes exist in the walls which have been patched up but are still visible over a century on from 1815, the stated date of installation, and shell-strikes may still be seen on buildings opposite. The then Patrician, after representations from the then [[Iodine Maccalariat\|Maccalariats]] of the day, promptly outlawed the device until it could be made safe.

	==Landscaping==		==Landscaping==