Bureau of Measures - Revision history

Old Dickens: typi

2018-02-12T00:33:38Z

typi

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:33, 12 February 2018
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	Situated opposite the [[Barbican]] on the corner of the [[Street of Small Gods]] and Rampire Alley, this is perhaps the nearest thing [[Ankh-Morpork]] has to a Trading Standards Office. Herein are stored all the absolutes and referents that a literally-minded society requires. The Sharp Stick is stored here, for instance, the pluperfect example that all other lesser sharp sticks require judgement against, in the context of ''That {unspecified event or thing} is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.'' Extensive tests have indeed formally discovered that few things are worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.		Situated opposite the [[Barbican]] on the corner of the [[Street of Small Gods]] and Rampire Alley, this is perhaps the nearest thing [[Ankh-Morpork]] has to a Trading Standards Office. Herein are stored all the absolutes and referents that a literally-minded society requires. The Sharp Stick is stored here, for instance, the pluperfect example that all other lesser sharp sticks require judgement against, in the context of ''That {unspecified event or thing} is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.'' Extensive tests have indeed formally discovered that few things are worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

	Similarly, the Bucket of Pitch, as an absolute measure of blackness, is to be found here, as are a host of other comparative and superlative terms. Similar offices on Roundworld store only the mundane things, like the yardstick which is made of a specific metal alloy such that a certain weight, extruded in a bar one inch square, will be precisely 36" long at 20 degrees centigrade. But that sort of thing is ''boring'' by comparison... besides, Ankh-Morpork is a city where the mundane units of weight and measurement have been filed down, soldered onto, drilled, clipped and had bits of chewing gum stuck onto them on so many ~~occassions~~ that it is difficult to ~~ascetain~~ the exact originals.		Similarly, the Bucket of Pitch, as an absolute measure of blackness, is to be found here, as are a host of other comparative and superlative terms. Similar offices on Roundworld store only the mundane things, like the yardstick which is made of a specific metal alloy such that a certain weight, extruded in a bar one inch square, will be precisely 36" long at 20 degrees centigrade. But that sort of thing is ''boring'' by comparison... besides, Ankh-Morpork is a city where the mundane units of weight and measurement have been filed down, soldered onto, drilled, clipped and had bits of chewing gum stuck onto them on so many occasions that it is difficult to ascertain the exact originals.

	Bureau officials maintain an ongoing programme of tests into such pressing issues as		Bureau officials maintain an ongoing programme of tests into such pressing issues as
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	As the Patrician said, it's vitally necessary that people with this sort of mind be found harmless jobs to do. Or they might be capable of ''anything''.		As the Patrician said, it's vitally necessary that people with this sort of mind be found harmless jobs to do. Or they might be capable of ''anything''.


	[[Category:Discworld concepts]]		[[Category:Discworld concepts]]

User: 1 revision: Discworld import

2012-09-23T21:54:14Z

1 revision: Discworld import

← Older revision	Revision as of 21:54, 23 September 2012
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91.108.119.69 at 04:11, 13 March 2011

2011-03-13T04:11:31Z

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Situated opposite the [[Barbican]] on the corner of the [[Street of Small Gods]] and Rampire Alley, this is perhaps the nearest thing [[Ankh-Morpork]] has to a Trading Standards Office. Herein are stored all the absolutes and referents that a literally-minded society requires. The Sharp Stick is stored here, for instance, the pluperfect example that all other lesser sharp sticks require judgement against, in the context of ''That {unspecified event or thing} is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.'' Extensive tests have indeed formally discovered that few things are worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Similarly, the Bucket of Pitch, as an absolute measure of blackness, is to be found here, as are a host of other comparative and superlative terms. Similar offices on Roundworld store only the mundane things, like the yardstick which is made of a specific metal alloy such that a certain weight, extruded in a bar one inch square, will be precisely 36" long at 20 degrees centigrade. But that sort of thing is ''boring'' by comparison... besides, Ankh-Morpork is a city where the mundane units of weight and measurement have been filed down, soldered onto, drilled, clipped and had bits of chewing gum stuck onto them on so many occassions that it is difficult to ascetain the exact originals.

Bureau officials maintain an ongoing programme of tests into such pressing issues as

* The alcoholic tendencies of newts;
* The precise degree of similarity between randomly chosen peas from the same pod;
* The ability of a standard size of stone, and the best possible stony substance for it to be made of, capable of gathering moss (or otherwise) as it rolls downhill.

As the Patrician said, it's vitally necessary that people with this sort of mind be found harmless jobs to do. Or they might be capable of ''anything''.

[[Category:Discworld concepts]]