Lawrence "Leeky" Llwyddianus-Bonheddwr

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Any resemblence to another L L-B is wholly coincidental

Lawrence "Leeky" Llwyddianus-Bonheddwr is the principal lecturer in Breaking and Decoratring at the Thieves Guild School. In appearance a long-haired and extravagantly dressed somewhat foppish man presenting a deceptive aura of effeminacy, he practices this example of Anticrime under the auspices of the Guild. The crime involved, which the Guild can facilitate as a special surprise to a person to whom you wish to show the appropriate degree of thoughtful esteem, involves breaking into their house while they are away, and then redecorating it in a truly tasteless and appalling style using cheap and nasty materials.

Requirements for a male practitioner are a velvet coat, iron self-confidence and a wonderful way with colours like puce, taupe and tern. Female requirements involve all the above but also a lot of teeth and a voice capable of cracking open a safe.


the way Lawrence "Leeky" Llwyddianus-Bonheddwr is drawn by Paul Kidby for the Thieves' Guild Yearbook instantly evokes British TV presenter and "homestyle consultant" Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen, a man who is a suspiciously close match for the description and the drawing. The foppish and effete Lawrence - incidentally a married man with four children, he just acted Straight Gay - presented a makeover show on British TV for some years called Changing Rooms. This was predicated on "friends" of a victim family, inviting Lawrence and the team to go in while the victims were on holiday and to completely redecorate the place. His partner in crime was a loud Scottish woman with too many teeth called Carol Smillie (others fitting the description of over-confident harridan with teeth and a very loud voice were Linda Barker and Anna Ryder-Richardson) and both remained utterly convinced the subjects would love their work. Until the moment they saw the horror, and in one extreme case burst into tears...

Bonheddwr is the Welsh for "gentleman". The word does have associations of a fop and a dandy, though. Look at it this way: it's not the word for "Gentleman" that appears on Welsh toilet doors.