You Bastard

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You Bastard
Name You Bastard
Race camel
Age unknown
Occupation Cud-chewing mathematician
Physical appearance inefficient
Residence Royal stables of Djelibeybi
Death not yet
Relatives possibly Evil-Smelling-Bugger
Marital Status
Books Pyramids

You Bastard is the sole remaining camel in the Royal stables of Djelibeybi (lit. Child of the Djel). He also happens to be the greatest mathematician on the disc.

Pteppic and Ptraci use him to escape the city as it is collapsing dimensionally. Pteppic is told that, rather than go into advanced maneuvers like turning, he should just get off and do it himself.

As with most camels, he refuses to do anything until you beat him with a stick and swear at him. He does, however, break this rule once, toward the end of Pyramids. He seems to have a very tough hide or is incredibly stupid as he lets arrows fly at him without moving, as shown while in Ephebe although since he is the greatest mathematician on the disc it's likely that he's quite capable of working out simple parabolic motion and is therefore able to judge if the arrows are going to actually hit him.