Ankh-Morpork League of Temperance

From Discworld & Terry Pratchett Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

A support group for Vampires who want to fit into human society.

When vampires started moving, like so many other nationalities, races, and species, to cities such as Ankh-Morpork, they realised that if they still acted like the stereotypical bl... bl... BLOOD!thirsty vampires, then there would be mobs with torches and pitchforks even in the city. Most of them, therefore, adopt the methods of the Überwald League of Temperance and go to meetings to learn not to drink bl... bloo.... zer b-vord. Lady Margolotta, one of Havelock Vetinari's tutors in the way of the world, is a leader of the movement, because noblesse has to oblige.

As far as can be gathered, League members do not even drink cattle b-vord as a substitute (see the article on vampires for their biological need for bl... zer b-vord.) Also known as Black Ribboners, vampires who join the League of Temperance sign a pledge not to drink zat bodily fluid to vich I haff just referred and carry a black ribbon to show their membership. During a typical Black Ribboner meeting, the members gather around an organ and sing uplifting songs about their aspirations to avoid bl... bloo.... zer b-vord, and about how a bun and hot cocoa are much preferred. Their motto is "don't be a stupid sucker". All members take an oath never to touch the B-vord. You can identify the members by their black ribbons, coffee/cocoa addictions and, unfortunately, their manic smiles. Bloo...IT is an important thing to vampires, and a lot of the members are only this close to giving in and draining someone. As with all pioneering reform movements, there is a radical fringe who take the ideas to ludicrous but logically inescapable extremes: in this case, the Really Human Front.

In addition to self-improvement of the members, the League also pushes for equal treatment by other species in the city. The League has been lobbying for the Ankh-Morpork City Watch to take a Black Ribboner as a Watch officer, and recently Sally von Humpeding became the first, to the dismay of the Commander. Much explanation about the League from the perspective of Black Ribboner (Otto Chriek) can be found in The Truth. He states that they have a meeting house in Abattoirs Lane, where they drink cocoa and sing about how they no longer crave 'zer B word, my vord yes!'.

The movement was founded by Amelia Slathers who was embalmed on cocoa after her death on the 30th December 1880.

Personal tools