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Mr. Clete
Mr Clete, as drawn by Matt Smith
Name Mr. Clete
Race Human
Age unknown
Occupation Secretary of the Musicians' Guild
Physical appearance
Residence Ankh-Morpork
Death Falling from a cliff in a stagecoach
Marital Status
Books Soul Music

Mr. Clete was the Secretary of the Musicians' Guild; that is he was the Secretary of the musicians' guild. He had no musical skill or talent, couldn't manage "Happy Birthday" on the comb-and-paper, but he did the accounts, ran the errands, answered the messages that the musicians didn't. He was an unbearable character with an annoying laugh like: 'Hat. Hat. Hat.' Described thus: 'It was a strange laugh, totally mirthless and vaguely birdlike. It was very much like its owner, who was what you would get if you extracted fossilized genetic material from something in amber and then gave it a suit.' He is further described in Soul Music as not, by the standard definitions, a bad man; in the same way a plague‑bearing rat is not, from a dispassionate point of view, a bad animal. Clete ran the guild with all the ruthless dedication of the Thieves' Guild. He is remembered chiefly for deciding that Buddy (Imp y Celyn) and his band, (Glod Glodsson and Lias Bluestone) needed to pay extortionate prices to join the Guild of Musicians, which indirectly led to the birth of Music With Rocks In.

He died in less-than tragic circumstances, chasing the heroes and briefly learning to fly a stagecoach off a cliff. It didn't work. Hat. Hat. Hat. He was granted a rare honour on his demise: his soul was collected not by Death, but by the Death of Rats, an entity who is present at the passing of all extremely rat-like human beings.


Mr. Clete as a generic character has to bear the sins of all the soulless "suits" in the music business since the first agent's commission.