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Pig-Boring is an ancient art which is the most humane way of slaughtering an animal prior to sausage and bacon-hood. The Pig Borer simply chooses her animal, and then talks to it in a most earnest monotone voice about trivial things of parochial importance until its eyes close and it slumps to one side, having by then given up the will to live. It is important the is done in privacy so others are not affected. Practictioners include the witches Gwinifer Blackcap, Petulia Gristle and Mistress Edith Lookall.

Mrs Georgina Bradshaw notes that pig boring appears to have originated in the Feltwhistles, a group of villages on The Altiplano Express Line. Master pig-borers in the area have large and invariably tedious repertoires of the sort of stories guaranteed to induce terminal brain-death in any pig, and an annual championship is held at the Pig-Borer's Arms.