William Carpetlayer

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William Glottal Carpetlayer is a coachman on the Lancre-Ankh-Morpork run. He cannot understand how the family name came about, as nobody in the Carpetlayer family has ever laid a carpet, ever, to his certain knowledge.

He suffers from jumping bones, and a bone jumps at precisely the most inconvenient moment, when he is moving a delicate glass mirror ball costing $AM1,000, which until Tiffany Aching chose to land her broomstick on top of his moving coach, had been his sole cargo. In return for a free trip to the city, Tiffany cures his affliction and the Feegle, in a hitherto unknown bout of antivandalism rebuild the mirror ball.

Carpetlayer now intends to take his wife dancing a lot.


British comic actor Jack Douglas played a recurring character, called "Alf Ippittimus", who tended to twitch and spasm a lot as if in the prey of a condition he could not control.[1] It is amazing how often Alf was given large, delicate, fragile and expensive things to take care of or carry, as the responsibility appeared to bring on a sudden attack of jumping bones that would cause him to drop the precious and fragile thing. With suitable comedic result. The youTube clip indicates Mr Carpetlayer's condition might mean he is unable to go into a pub and enjoy a beer....