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| Ankh-Morpork (Modern Morporkian) Ankhius et Morporkia (Latatian, the Old Language) | |
| Established: | -2564 UC. |
| Population: | Approx. 1,000,000 (including suburbs) |
| Size: | Approx. 1 mile (1.6 km) across. |
| Patrician: | Lord Havelock Vetinari |
| Anthem: | We can rule you wholesale |
| Mottos Quanti canicula ille in fenestra Merus in pectum et in aquam | |
Ankh-Morpork is the largest city on the Disc with about a million inhabitants. It is also one of the most recurring locations for the Discworld stories.
The city lies on the river Ankh, which resembles solid ground more than is does water. Originally two cities separated by the river, Ankh and Morpork today are governed as one (admittedly potentially schizophrenic) entity.
The city is formally ruled by the Patrician, although the guilds and temples make many of the everyday decisions. There is very little crime in Ankh-Morpork since much of it is legalised and handled by the guilds. It's up to the guilds themselves to keep criminality at a reasonable level. The Ankh-Morpork City Watch, practically resurrected only in the last few years, takes care of sporadic crimes. There are many businesses, shops, and artificers in Ankh-Morpork. It has been said that Ankh-Morpork's primary exports are smog and modern power politics. Indeed, a foreign ruler once likened Ankh-Morpork to a vampire; taking everything and turning other states into lesser copies of itself.
The river is semi-solid, the water has a taste, the air is smoggy (the birds cough rather than sing) and following a snowfall the streets are left a muddy slurry. Baking hot in summer, cold and snowy in winter, Ankh-Morpork has a "despotic ruler" (some say) who has succeeded in so thoroughly organizing crime that it is self-regulating. While ethnic riots and feuds are common, Ankh-Morpork is still the place where everybody wants to live. Ankh-Morpork now has the largest dwarf population outside of Überwald and is in fact the Discworld's largest dwarf city. Likewise, Ankh-Morpork is home to probably the only troll crime syndicate on the Discworld. Not to be undone, the undead can meet in their own taverns or support groups and have a Bloody Mary or a mug of hot cocoa, depending on individual tastes. Evangelical preachers find a huge potential flock to convert, often immigrants seeking their fortunes here or refugees who have come seeking peaceful lives (which is frankly very strange – perhaps they have been mis-informed by a travelog written by a tourist, or maybe it just depends on the perspective).
Nobles of other countries often send their children to attend the Assassins' school (assuming they look good in black clothing; otherwise The Fools Guild and Seamstresses Guild are always welcoming new members). In short, although just about everybody who lives in Ankh-Morpork has some complaints about living there, for the most part they continue. To live. There.
Ordinary Ankh-Morporkian citizens are inordinantly fond of street theatre, and have a very liberal definition of such. They will gather and watch anything occuring in the streets, while something that is actually interesting can bring the city to a complete halt. Some popular one-act productions include the Guild of Fools on fire, somebody threatening to jump off the top of a building (even though everybody knows they're doing it just to get tobacco money), public hangings and so on. Where crowds gather, Mr. Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler ("cut-me-own-throat" as in he's selling things so cheaply it's suicidal) is guaranteed to be present, selling sausages-in-a-bun and other unhygienic possibly un-food fast food. If there is a crowd and Dibbler is there and not selling anything, then there is something seriously wrong (really seriously wrong).
Ankh-Morpork citizens are very touchy about the reputations of things such as, the state of the River Ankh, the democracy or the caterpillars in their imported cabbages. Ankh-Morpork also houses many noble families. Historically, Ankh-Morpork has warred against other city-states on the Sto Plains and against Klatch across the Circle Sea. Ankh-Morpork nobles typically look down upon The Kingdom of Lancre and go on tours to sneer at Überwald. Many countries owe Ankh-Morpork a lot of money. When things are peaceful, Ankh-Morpork is the boss; when somebody turns directly against Ankh-Morpork however, Ankh-Morpork finds very few allies (though it does find bill-collecters rather more useful than allies in any event).
The city of Ankh-Morpork is the first major setting to appear in the Discworld series, starring (as it were) in Part 1 of The Colour of Magic and reappearing in virtually every Discworld book in a cameo role if not as a major setting. Known to Death as a city that never sleeps, Ankh-Morpork prides itself on being a city where you can buy anything you can think of; indeed, if they don't have it, with a modicum of notice they will gladly steal it in order to sell it to you.