Maladict

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Corporal Maladict
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Name Maladicta
Race Vampire
Age Unknown; probably the vampire equivalent of a twenty-year-old or so
Occupation Soldier
Physical appearance Slim, short, imposing
Residence Borogravia
Death not likely
Parents
Relatives
Children
Marital Status single
Appearances
Books Monstrous Regiment
Cameos


Of the odd collection of volunteers who turn out for Sgt. Jackrum's recruiting party for Borogravia's Tenth Foot, the least likely is a Reformed Vampire who spends several minutes filling in all his names, but the only one we hear is Maladict. He arrives typically elegantly dressed, with his own sword(1), looking like a gentleman officer-candidate, and Vampires are notoriously good at getting people to do what they want, so it's not surprising that he's the first promoted when the squad needs a lance-corporal. He has been a member of the Überwald League of Temperance and a Black Ribboner for two years and relies on transferring his obsession from blood to coffee. He carries the sack of beans and the little silver pot like a portable shrine, but soon after he joins the squad they are stolen.

Deprived of this crutch, he begins to have flashbacks from a war that never was, fought with weapons he's never seen in a jungle area against an enemy called "Charlie". The hallucinations are so powerful that others around him can hear and feel them too. Polly is warned about this by Otto Chriek who advises that someone packs a stake because vampires deprived of their raison d'etre (having transferred it from the b-vord) may revert. Igors have experience in this area and call these hallucinations "flashsides" - flashbacks to events that the sufferers have never personally experienced. They also pack a bag and prepare to limp for it when they see them; they're a BAD sign. Fortunately, the gods(2) are watching and Buggy Swires drops half a pound of Klatch's best on him (literally), just in time.

After the surprises common through the book, Maladicta remains in the army. It might be amusing for a few hundred years. Army life's not so bad when most weapons used by the enemy will have no effect, and you can't be (permanently) killed.


(1) For other people's protection, not his.
(2) Actually just Sam Vimes, god of getting what you deserve, sometimes.


Annotation

The flashsides that Maladict experience are from another time and space entirely: they are from the Vietnam War, where there was an enemy called Charlie (by you, if you were an American, at any rate), the forest was a lot more like a jungle, there were machines in the sky that went "whop-whop-whop" and the soldiery may well have employed terms such as "el-tee" (lit. 'LT' - shorthand for lieutenant, however it's pronounced) and "RV".

A vampire named "Fenrir or Maledicta or something" [sic] is among the vampyrs in the family retinue of the de Magpyr family and is seen by Agnes Nitt to be overborne by the rebellious peasants of Escrow. Could this be the same Mal and the trigger event that made her join the Ribboners and develop a coffee addiction? After all, she has already been Weatherwaxed and craved tea, so it's not a long jump.