|Physical appearance||martyr to hayfever and acne|
|Cameos||I Shall Wear Midnight|
Simon was a gangly tall young man with eyes like two watery poached eggs. He suffered from terrible hayfever and an even worse stammer. He couldn't pronounce 'w's and would begin to panic as he spotted one ahead in a sentence he was saying. People would invariably supply the word themselves, and the gratified look of thanks he gave was embarrassing to both.
He taught himself magic out of old books, and became so powerful that he came to the attention of those at Unseen University, and the senior Wizard sent to bring him in was Treatle, an eighth-level Magus and then the second most powerful man on the faculty.
Once at UU, Simon immediately read omnivorously, and began giving lectures (unheard of for first year students!) to which all the senior wizards came, and they were amazed because he had created or understood truths that they had only the haziest notions of: thaumatological truths as to the nature of magic and its uses, the whys and hows of it.
Such power inevitably caused ripples in the space-time continuum and the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions clustered in his shadows with their characteristic chittering noises unnoticed by all except Esk with her own burgeoning magical talent.
Eventually they burst through and took Simon with them to the Dungeon Dimensions, whence Esk followed to try to rescue him. She managed this by not using magic, which puzzled and infuriated the Things who are thaumivores - they feed on magic.
When she and Simon eventually returned to UU they set up a research group and came up with an entire system of the non-use of magic.
Simon's current status is unknown. He is presumed dead - killed in the collapse of the Tower of Art during the battle with the Sourcerer - as no mention of him is made in any subsequent books (he is mentioned in I Shall Wear Midnight, but in the past tense).
- In I Shall Wear Midnight, Simon is described as having let his illnesses and allergies multiply to the point where he has become Unseen University's analogue of Stephen Hawking - speaking to peers through a machine (Hex?) and unable to move, talk, or do very much for himself. This is related via Esk, who can be described as a reliable witness.
..."the young Eskarina had met at the University a young man called Simon who...had been cursed by the Gods with almost every possible ailment that mankind was prone to. But because the Gods have a sense of humour, even though it's a rather strange one, they had granted him the power to understand - well - everything. He could barely walk without assistance, but was so brilliant that he managed to keep the whole universe in his head. Wizards...would flock to hear him talk about space and time and magic as if they were all part of the same thing. And young Eskarina had fed him and cleaned him and helped him get about and learned from him - well - everything." (I Shall Wear Midnight, p177)
- Simon describes part of the knowledge as elasticated string theory, a phenomenon which Eskarina says, in a discourse with Tiffany, has at least sixteen different dimensions.