Bloody Stupid Johnson's Individual Fruit Pie

Bloody Stupid Johnson's Individual Fruit Pie, also known as the Great Fruit Pie, was "Bloody Stupid" Johnson's most memorable achievement in the art of arts that is cookery. Unfortunately, the remains are nothing more than some etchings made at the time, a rough copy of the original (unbelievable!) recipe, and a few scars on buildings quite a long way from the site. Those seeking a copy of the unfeasible recipe should look it up in Nanny Ogg's Cookbook.

Records tell of the teams of oxen that were needed to drag the enormous dish (now serving as the roof of a house in Mollymog Street) into position, the bargeloads of apples brought down the River Ankh(?), and the catastrophic sinking of the Queen of Quirm with her full load of sugar. There are considerably more accounts of the explosion that occured on the second Friday of the cooking process, which caused red-hot short-crust pastry to scythe across a rather large part of Ankh-Morpork. There were also occasional showers of sultanas and deep-frozen baked apple for some days afterwards.

It is believed that Johnson was vaguely aware that when baking a big pie, some provision must be made to allow the venting of the generated steam. Plans were drawn up for a 30-foot-high 'whistling blackbird', but was not cast until a week after the explosion. It is displayed in Hide Park, as a memorial to those caught in the crust.

Some may find they have reason to believe that it was this incident that brought about the demise of Bloody Stupid Johnson. I cannot help you there.