Cuddy

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Acting-Constable Cuddy
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Name Cuddy
Race Dwarf
Age
Occupation Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Physical appearance Beard, One glass eye
Residence Ankh-Morpork
Death 1986 UC? (during Men at Arms)
Parents
Relatives
Children
Marital Status
Appearances
Books Men at Arms
Cameos


First dwarf member of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, hired under the first steps of Lord Vetinari's "special hiring procedures", at the same time as Detritus (a troll) and Angua (a werewolf), both of whom have since risen in the Watch.

Cuddy was Detritus's first partner on the job. For the interest of doing better on the job and making the most of the partnership, Cuddy taught Detritus how to count in tens instead of twos (troll normal counting is in fours, but Detritus only managed twos). Cuddy also constructed a special helmet with a fan to cool the troll's impure-silicon brain so that he could think better (see Detritus and trolls for an explanation on troll brain physiology). Carrot Ironfoundersson (then Corporal) conscripted many men, trolls, and dwarfs into the Watch (or Citizens' Militia as it was called in those times of unrest), and Cuddy and Detritus looked poised for rapid promotion to manage the new recruits. Sadly, in a few days, Cuddy was killed on the job. It wasn't his fault. He was still new at being a Watchman, while the miscreant was an experienced killer. Cuddy, therefore, was the first dead copper in the modern Watch.

As a newly-deceased dwarf, Cuddy argued with Death on his arrival in the afterlife. Having died suddenly and unexpectedly, normal funeral custom had not yet been applied and Cuddy was aware of the total absence of any funeral weapons with which to defend himself against any entities which, while dwarfs might not believe in them, might have an inconvenient belief in dwarfs. Cuddy folded his arms, planted his feet, and refused to go any further until he had a weapon of some sort, as was his deathright. It is understood that Carrot, aware of his foster-race's traditions, obliged by ensuring Cuddy had exactly the right sort of weapon to take to the grave with him...

It is said on the disc that the span of a person's life is not measured by how long they lived but by their actions, some of which continue after their death. For many years after his death, the helmet Cuddy constructed remains on Detritus’ head, still cooling his brain and helping the troll to think clearer thoughts.

Annotation

When the petty frustrations and irritations of police work get to Cuddy, he screams and yells "I'm too short for this shit!" Compare this to "I'm too old for this shit!" - a line spoken by Danny Glover, as Det Sgt Roger Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon (a film centering on the cliché of two ill-assorted coppers being partnered together). By the end of Men at Arms, Cuddy's partner Detritus has certainly found his lethal weapon....