Ankh-Morpork
| Ankh-Morpork | |
| Established | -2564 UC (AM 1) |
| Motto | Quanti canicula ille in fenestra (How Much is That Doggie in the Window) and Merus in pectum et in aquam (Pure in Heart and Water) |
| Neighbours | The city-states of the Sto Plains |
| Geographical Features | River Ankh, The Isle of Gods, The Tump |
| Population | approx. 1 million souls and quite a few more inhabitants. Spieces include 50,000 dwarfs at the time The Fifth Elephant, trolls, werewolves, vampires, boogymen, zombies, gargolyes, golems, gnolls, and Nobby-Nobs |
| Size | 1 mile across (about 1.6km) (excluding suburbs outside the city walls) |
| Capital | {{{capital}}} |
| Type of government | Ruled by a Patrician, currently Havelock Vetinari, under the system of One Man, One Vote. Before that, a monarchy. |
| Notable Citizens | Commander Sam Vimes of the Watch, Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson (heir to the throne), Lord Downey (head of the Assassins' Guild), Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler (salesman), Lord Selachii and Lord Venturi, perpetually warring noblemen. |
| Imports | Dwarfs, Trolls, raw materials, trouble |
| Exports | Manufactured goods, politics, trouble |
| National Anthem | We Can Rule You Wholesale |
| Books | All books in the Watch Series and Ankh-Morpork Books, and Maskerade, Soul Music, Hogfather, Thief of Time The Colour of Magic The Light Fantastic Wyrd Sisters Equal Rites I Shall Wear Midnight Mort |
Ankh-Morpork is the largest city on the Disc with about a million inhabitants. It is also one of the most common locations for the Discworld stories. Its Latatian name is Ankhius et Morporkia. In Moving Pictures, we learn its nickname is "the Big Wahoonie" (an ugly, smelly fruit). The city lies on the river Ankh, which resembles solid ground more than it does water. Originally two cities separated by the river, Ankh and Morpork today are governed as one (admittedly potentially schizophrenic) entity. Ankh-Morpork is a city state which governs few lands outside its perimeter, but it has a political and economic influence which "distorts the landscape for hundreds of miles".
The City
The river is semi-solid, the water has a taste, the air is smoggy (the birds cough rather than sing) and following a snowfall the streets are left a muddy slurry. Baking hot in summer, cold and snowy in winter, Ankh-Morpork has a "despotic ruler" (some say) who has succeeded in so thoroughly organizing crime that it is self-regulating. While ethnic riots and feuds are common, Ankh-Morpork is still the place where everybody wants to live. Ankh-Morpork now has the largest dwarf population outside of Überwald and is in fact the Discworld's largest dwarf city. Likewise, Ankh-Morpork is home to probably the only troll crime syndicate on the Discworld, the Breccia. Not to be undone, the undead can meet in their own taverns or support groups and have a Bloody Mary or a mug of hot cocoa, depending on individual tastes. Evangelical preachers find a huge potential flock to convert, often immigrants seeking their fortunes here or refugees who have come seeking peaceful lives free from persecution (which is frankly very strange – perhaps they have been mis-informed by a travel log written by a tourist, or maybe it just depends on the perspective).
The city of Ankh-Morpork is the first major setting to appear in the Discworld series, starring (as it were) in Part 1 of The Colour of Magic and reappearing in virtually every Discworld book in a cameo role if not as a major setting. Known to Death as a city that never sleeps, Ankh-Morpork prides itself on being a city where you can buy anything you can think of; indeed, if they don't have it, with a modicum of notice they will gladly steal it in order to sell it to you. It has been said that Ankh-Morpork's primary exports are smog and modern power politics. Indeed, a foreign ruler once likened Ankh-Morpork to a vampire; taking everything and turning other states into lesser copies of itself.
The city is divided clearly by the river. Morpork, the widdershins half of the city is home to the most of the guilds, the Unseen University and the Patrician's Palace. It also includes most of both the city's industry and grime, including the docks, the markets and The Shades - the poorest and most densly populated part of the city. The city of Ankh, the turnwise half, is mostly residential and is dominated by several large mansions and parks. The geographical centre of the city is the Opera House on Pseudopolis Yard, a circular square on the Isle of Gods and a meeting point for several important roads.
Geographically, the city is built mostly on river silt and silt deposition has increased the height of the city over many centuries. As a result, many older buildings and even streets survive perfectly intact beneath the present day city. Apart from The Tump, a large hill on the perimeter, the city is mostly flat.
The People
Ordinary Ankh-Morpork citizens are inordinately fond of street theatre, and have a very liberal definition of such. They will gather and watch anything occurring in the streets, while something that is actually interesting can bring the city to a complete halt. Some popular one-act productions include the Guild of Fools on fire, somebody threatening to jump off the top of a building (even though everybody knows they're doing it just to get tobacco money), overturned beer carts, public hangings and so on. Where crowds gather, Mr. Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler ("cutting-me-own-throat" as in he's selling things so cheaply it's suicidal) is guaranteed to be present, selling sausages-in-a-bun and other unhygienic, possibly un-food, fast food. If there is a crowd and Dibbler is there and not selling anything, then there is something seriously wrong (really seriously wrong).
Ankh-Morpork citizens are very touchy about the reputations of things such as, the state of the River Ankh, the democracy, or the caterpillars in their imported cabbages. Ankh-Morpork also houses many noble families. Historically, Ankh-Morpork has warred against other city-states on the Sto Plains and against Klatch across the Circle Sea. Ankh-Morpork nobles typically look down upon The Kingdom of Lancre and go on tours to sneer at Überwald. Many countries owe Ankh-Morpork a lot of money. When things are peaceful, Ankh-Morpork is the boss; when somebody turns directly against Ankh-Morpork however, Ankh-Morpork finds very few allies (though it does find bill-collectors rather more useful than allies in any event).
Nobles of other countries often send their children to attend the Assassins' school (assuming they look good in black clothing; otherwise The Fools' Guild - which has swallowed up and now incorporates the formerly independent guilds of Quirm and Überwald - and Seamstresses' Guild are always welcoming new members). In short, although just about everybody who lives in Ankh-Morpork has some complaints about living there, for the most part they continue. To live. There. And more people are coming every year.
Many citizens are members of the various Guilds however some others have joined various street gangs such as the Breccia, The Shamlegger Rude Boys and the Cockbill Street Roaring Lads.
Government
The city is formally ruled by the Patrician, the absolute tyrant elected by a one man, one vote system of democracy (he is the man and he has the vote), although the guilds and temples make many of the everyday decisions. Affairs of state and the small volume of local government are carried out from the Patrician's Palace by a select staff of Clerks under the close supervision of Patrician Havelock Vetinari. Should any situation which requires immediate attention develop, the guild leaders, nobles and various other important city dignitaries hold an emergency council meeting, which usually consists of them bickering at each other.
There is relatively little crime in Ankh-Morpork since much of it is legalized and handled by the guilds. It's up to the guilds themselves to keep criminality at a reasonable level. The Ankh-Morpork City Watch, resurrected practically only in the last few years, takes care of crimes out of the jurisdiction or sight of the Guilds, ranging from sporadic unlicensed burglaries and thefts, to major crimes or conspiracies (such as attempted assassinations of the Patrician) against the city.
That's not just the best anwesr. It's the bestest answer!